Phases
by Sakana.Lover
Summary: "Ah. That awkward moment where you realize that the overpowering urge you have to hold down your guy best friend isn't so you can punch his brains out, but to fuck them out." SasuNaru. AU


**Title: Phases**

**Disclaimer: No, obviously I do not own the characters. If I did, I wouldn't be here, would I?**

**A/N: I only have one rule: review. If you can take the time to read this sorry excuse for a prologue, you should be able to click that button under the chapter and type a few words down. You can even tell me how much you hate it and I really wouldn't care as long as you review. So please do so.**

**Rate: T+ for some swearing and other stuff.**

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"I have a problem. And I'm not talking about 'stumbling drunk, go to Alcohol Anonymous and group therapy' type of problem. I'm talking about the type of problem where the only thing keeping me from beating the shit out of my best friend is the fact that I want to rape him senseless."

Kakashi had frozen, his hand still in the motions of turning a page in his book whose contents were no longer the top of his priority list (an occurrence he would forever deny happened if the subject was later brought up). Not daring to make a sound- in fear that something else remotely out of character would spring from the Uchiha's mouth- he calmly set his book down (another event he would blatantly deny ever occurred) and gave Sasuke his undivided attention and thought carefully about his next question before he voiced it aloud. "And, uh… why is it that you decided to come to me rather than your brother or your friends about this… problem…?"

The Uchiha heir arched a single eyebrow as if it was blatantly obvious, but decided to humor the professor anyway, "It is an unspoken rule amongst my brother and I that we do not come to the other for relationship advice and my only 'friend'- and I use this term VERY loosely- is the same 'friend'," he spat the word, "that is the cause of the problem. You're a fucking psychology professor and the fucking counselor. Do your job and counsel me."

"Sasuke Uchiha just said fuck twice in the same sentence. You must really be freaking out."

At Sasuke's sharpened glare, Kakashi quickly corrected himself, "Internally."

"Just do your job Hatake."

"Actually, I am the advisory counselor," Kakashi interrupted, torn between whether or not this event was a humorous blessing or a curse.

"Then I advise you to do your job and give me fucking advice! Just two minutes ago I was about to hump Naruto through a damn wall-" '_Oh yeah, it's a definite curse,' _the scarecrow thought- "So I need help now because apparently my body doesn't understand that it's Naruto that its trying to ram into so persistently."

_'Yep, definitely a curse. A funny one, but in a sick twisted way.'_

"Sasuke," Kakashi sighed, "This could be nothing more than a phase. I'm pretty sure that all boys have that one point in their lives where their hormones take over and their minds have no say so. Yours just got a late star-"

"And I'm pretty sure that phases don't progressively get worse over a three year span!"

At Sasuke's new outburst, Kakashi immediately silenced his train of thought and started a new one. "Okay, let me try again. From what I can gather, we are talking about Naruto, correct?"

Sasuke arched another eyebrow and gave a belittling look; 'duh' would've come from his mouth had he been any other man. "So we're definitely talking about Naruto and I happen to know that said blond is bi," Kakashi held up his hands as if he had solved the problem to world peace, "What's the problem here?"

"The problem," he hissed leaning forward with such venom that Kakashi found himself leaning ever so slightly back, "Is that I'm straight."

_'… that might be a problem.'_

"But you said for the past three years…"

"That it's been getting worse not that I've acted on it. I figured it was a passing phase or maybe a sign that I liked blondes or something."

"Did you try going out with other people?"

Sasuke scoffed, "As if I'm that stupid. I went to brothels."

_'They still have those places now-a-days?'_

"Well?"

"It worked for a while. But only if they were blondes."

"Then what changed all of a sudden?"

At Kakashi's newest question the Uchiha paled (which had the man internally freaking out since Uchiha's were already deathly pale as it was) and lowered his head to the palms of his hands. "I went to the usual place about two weeks ago… got a blonde with blue eyes like usual… and… couldn't get it up…"

Kakashi tensed in his seat before he did the same thing anyone who knew the Uchiha would do.

He laughed.

Hard.

"It's not funny," Sasuke threatened, standing from his chair and starting to pace, "And just now I was having another fight with Naruto and he threw a punch so I pinned him to a wall. Only… I got hard with all the moving he was doing."

Kakashi Hatake was dying. His stomach ached, his eyes watered, and his face was surely going to freeze in that grin of his, but he was nowhere near stopping. Among all the people in the world he could've imagined would have issues with their sexual urges, Sasuke was never one who would even begin to cross his mind. Hell he'd be eighty and at the play boy mansion having twenty year olds throwing themselves at him left and right. Finally after three minutes- and more than enough incentive from Sasuke's direction in the form of glares- Kakashi managed to contain his laughter to spare chuckles as he glanced at the fuming Uchiha, "And you ran out of there as fast as you could."

Sasuke nodded before plopping back down in the chair, a torn look on his face. "I need some sensible advice and frankly, you haven't been wrong before."

"Well, I just have one concern…" Kakashi began.

"One?"

"At the moment," he added before continuing, "When considering how Naruto is, what makes you think that he would simply let you run off after a fight like that…?"

Sasuke tensed again before swearing, "I better get going. Knowing the usuratonkachi, he's probably tearing up the campus looking for me.

Kakashi's eyes slanted as he smiled knowingly, "… oh… I wouldn't say that…"

Before he could question the silver-haired professor's strange change in attitude, a voice drifted over Sasuke, sending a jolt of pleasure raking up his spine. "Sasuke-teme…"

Turning unbearably slow, the Uchiha faced his best friend, not worried that he had eavesdropped on their conversation (considering it was in Italian, the only language that the raven-haired man knew that the blond did not). "Dobe."

"You think you can just run your ass out in the middle of a fight with the upper hand? There's no well in hell!" the blond menace stepped forward, stalking towards the Uchiha with an intense gaze that had him almost eager to see what the blond would do.

"You're either going to win this fight straight up or I'm going to shove my foot up your ass! Take your pick, Uchiha!"

His ever-present façade up (one that he had started to appreciate fully in the last three years with the blond male), Sasuke scoffed, "You're pissed because I didn't kick your ass?"

"No. I'm pissed because it seems like you gave me a break and stormed off to go complain to this pervert of all people!" he growled pointing an accusing finger at Kakashi who was oddly grinning at Sasuke's expense.

"I resent that," he stated, "I'm only perverted during a few occasions."

Naruto snorted, tilting his head back and to the side to fix Kakashi with an accusing look, "Yeah. Whenever my godfather's around."

Sasuke stared entranced at the golden patch of exposed neck that was in his direct line of sight, taking a step closer with the sudden urge to see the flawless skin littered with bite marks. His bite marks. "Despite your belief, Naruto, me and Iruka actually have a steady relationship."

"You flirt with him and he ignores you."

"But a relationship no less," Kakashi finished, catching sight of the dangerous leer on Sasuke's face as he stepped closer to the unconcerned and ignorant Naruto. _'Would you look at that…'_

However Sasuke was unaware of his audience as he stepped ever closer to the blond, grabbing him tightly on his waist. "What the- bastard? What the hell do you think you are-"

"Shut up," he groaned against the sun-kissed skin, feeling a shiver travel up Naruto's body before he bit down, relishing in the soft gasp that released from those pink lips.

Grabbing the slightly smaller body and pulling it closer to him, Sasuke found himself caught up in the stimulating feel of Naruto's body heat against him, encouraging him to bite harder against the skin, his tongue darting out to lick the soft impressions. "Sa-sasuke… more…"  
A series of cheers erupted in Sasuke's mind as he brought his lips to those of the blond before him, all of the blood instantly traveling south. "Oi, Uchiha! You're alright?"

Blinking a few times, Sasuke suddenly came to two horrible realizations:

1. He had been daydreaming in front of Naruto and Kakashi

2. He was currently hard as a rock in his pants

Ignoring all lessons of stoicism and endurance he had ever been brainwashed with growing up in the Uchiha household, Sasuke turned and took off at a dead sprint out of the counseling office, leaving behind a chuckling Kakashi and bewildered Naruto.


End file.
